Izvestia (Moscow) - June 14, 2006

The only person who did not appear to be having a very nice time was the once-so-cheerful Boris Nemtsov. It was as though a Scandinavian troll had flown over his head and smashed a mirror, and now the former deputy PM found all the girls awfully fat, with bad hairstyles and tacky makeup. More details to follow from our society columnist.

Starving passengers and the niceties of Swedish socialism

Not only did they not provide meals in SAS economy class, but neither did they offer anything to drink. Those withering away from thirst were offered a bottle of still water for 20 Swedish kronor (3 US dollars), and those starving - a ham sandwich for 6 euros.

The travelers were outraged: it's not like we are gluttons, but it's just upsetting when you don't seem to get the treatment you think you deserve. Everyone then decided that maybe it was RBC chief Yury Rovensky who was responsible for all this "generosity," and murmur murderously. That was why, when they arrived and the organizer's representative suggested that the group go straight to dinner, without first checking in to the hotel, an ecstatic clamor arose: "Sure, why would we want dinner? We're still stuffed from the flight!" And when the guide began to explain that the Diplomat Hotel had one little peculiarity, she was at once interrupted by a comment: "Right, the bathroom is in a separate building, and there's only one shower room per floor, at the end of the hallway?"

It became clear later on that Most Honored Rovensky had decidedly nothing to do with this. Not only did he not save a buck on the airfare, but he actually overpaid! An economy ticket on SAS cost 450 euros (600 dollars), and even at this price passengers were not offered food and had to pay extra for water. Now, this wasn't a charter flight, and it was no Easy Jet (a low-cost airline that sells most of its tickets online) - this was a "grown-up" airline. And the little peculiarity, or shall we say "nicety," of the four-star Diplomat Hotel was that they would only take your luggage up to your room for a charge of 4 euros per person. And this is what Sweden, the country in which socialism has prevailed, is all about. Some unbelievable things are happening there: at any time, day or night, you may see people lined up in front of the sunglasses section at Stockholm's main expensive department store. First, you have to get your number, and then wait for a half an hour until you are invited to come in and get your pair of shades for 300 euros.

On their way back, the guests of the RBC forum swamped SAS Airlines with practical suggestions. This was, of course, an inexcusable "brain drain." But that's just what we, generous Russian souls, are like - we do not spare our water or our ideas. "You should charge for using the toilet," representatives from the Audit Chamber advised. "Or, abandon toilets altogether - that would help economize." Auditors were even more radically inclined: "Why go to the bathroom at all if you don't get anything to eat or drink? It's only a two-hour flight after all - passengers can hold it that long, can't they?"

Healthy food and nice home-style get-togethers

Upon arriving in Stockholm, the guests were taken straight to dinner at the Grand Hotel's hall of Nobel Prize ceremonies. Dinner was served with dishes just like those offered to prizewinners 100 years ago. The formal dinner could be eaten without fear of consequences. Very seldom do "social butterflies" get a chance like this.

After Moscow receptions, you are usually guaranteed to stay up all night with an upset stomach. Swedish cuisine, in contrast, is very healthy. Tiny pieces of lean wild fowl, very fresh fish (in bite-size pieces), and a miniature filet mignon. Sweden must be fighting drunkenness and gluttony along with the love of expensive sunglasses, which would explain why only light wine was served. Thanks to this, in the morning everyone felt fresh, engaging in lively discussions of the agenda for the day: are "statesmen" continuing to set up obstacles for "non-state-organized" forums?

"I spoke to Swedish investors and found that, in their opinion, the attendance of the legendary Bella Zlatkis, Oleg Vyugin, and Tatyana Paramonova made up for everything," Alexei Venediktov commented. Not only did state officials not come to the forum, but neither did the oligarchs. Still, RBC's voyages can in no way be compared to Sergei Kolushev's forum in London. The latter has had that bronze glow to him for several years now, and his monument is sure to be erected on Park Lane soon.

In the words of a classic, the presence of large dogs should in no way perplex those of smaller stature. RBC's forums are held on a smaller scale, and thus no one is going to raise much fuss much about these nice home-style get-togethers (whereas feathers fly every time Sergei Kolushev makes a faux pas).

If in London or Courchevel you have to be an insider, a part of the high society, in Rovensky's case you become a part whether you like it or not: everyone is staying in one or two hotels, traveling together by one plane. And although Abramoviches don't flock there, in the end an ordinary millionaire finds more use from being with the like. A chamber forum, where everyone is boiling in the same pot like in a summer camp, leads to a plethora of wonderful revelations. Anita Tsoi, for example, rebutted the diagnosis of a "pop singer," and turned out to be a highly intelligent and talented person.

Fishing together and Astakhov with a shark

On the second to last day, everyone went to a Garden Party at the Russian Embassy. Russian folk songs formed the background of the Russian reception in honor of the forum. Some of them were sung in Swedish translation, to very amusing effect. Afterwards, Anita Tsoi amazed everyone with an energetic performance with a strong drive.

The next morning, the guests (including former Foreign Minister Andrei Kozyrev, Nikita Belykh from the Union of Right Forces (SPS) bloc, and Sergei Glazyev from the Rodina political party) were joined by legendary restaurateur Tatyana Kurbatskaya, and everyone set out for the "fishing safari." On their way there, fishermen expressed their dismay about Swedish laws, which demanded that the fish you caught had to be thrown back in. They likened this to returning the money you've won back to the casino. As expected, the catch was abundant. And this made it even harder to set the fish free! It was simply heart-rending to release three little roach and a sluggish suicide perch.

Everyone fished in the same body of water, but in different sections. Therefore, it was impossible to check and see who actually caught what. Rumor had it that lawyer Astakhov had caught something large, and with sharp-toothed jaws. That evening he even showed a printout portrait of himself with something that looked like a shark. But considering today's capabilities of computer photo enhancements, making it possible to enlarge any ole red mullet into something huge, we did not believe him.

Tatyana Paramonova, Yelena Yarmak and Bella Zlatkis arrived by a white yacht (as if this was happening in Monaco). On their way back, the boat's left engine broke. And the grand dames were thus somewhat behind schedule coming to some of the most instrumental functions: a reception at the Grand Hotel (with Alexei Venediktov as host), and coffee near the Berns Hotel, where the forum's sessions took place. All the other ladies had already been seated at the tables, surrounded themselves with male company and fancied themselves to be heavenly beings.